Freedomain Call In

https://cdn.freedomainradio.com/FDRP/FDR_addicted_to_crazy_women_call_in.mp3

The conversation touches on recognizing patterns, taking responsibility, building healthier relationships, overcoming childhood trauma, and the benefits of anger management in therapy.

I’m a middle aged old man who is going through a breakup with my long-term girlfriend . We have a 4 yr old boy. I would like to talk about the relationship issues and whether or not I can salvage the it. I’ve also had a previous marriage of 10 years with another son who is 16 yr old. I’m struggling with sex, depression, and being consistent in my profession. Any help is appreciated!

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Brief Summary
In this part of the conversation, I reflect on my pattern of being attracted to "crazy" partners and discuss the importance of recognizing and addressing it. We also talk about taking responsibility for our actions, building relationships based on integrity, and setting higher standards for ourselves. Stefan emphasizes the need to apologize sincerely and be mature, regardless of how others respond. We touch on my difficult childhood and the importance of not letting it define my life. Lastly, we discuss anger management and the benefits it can bring to my therapy journey.

Transcript: https://freedomain.com/addicted-to-crazy-women/

Chapters
0:00:00 Introduction and audio check
0:03:10 Past struggles, counseling, and moving for a job
0:07:13 Moving back to hometown and living with family
0:11:02 COVID Hits and Relationship Struggles Begin
0:20:19 Unveiling Past Traumas: A Shift in Therapy Approach
0:22:53 Communication Breakdown and Intimacy Issues
0:27:33 Challenging Family Situation and Academic Difficulties
0:30:39 Son's Disinterest in School and Possible Learning Disabilities
0:36:37 Challenges with custody and lack of evaluation for son
0:42:08 Child's Accountability and Maturity
0:45:32 Stability and Christian Influence
0:47:31 Troubled Teenage Years and Running Away
0:52:32 Introduction and Inexperience with Dating Apps
1:01:50 Girlfriend: The Sanest of the Lot?
1:02:45 The Attraction to "Crazy" Girls
1:10:44 The Role of Sex in Distracting from Instabilities
1:20:12 The Beginning of a Troubled Relationship
1:28:37 Postpartum Depression and its Impact
1:32:45 Resuming Sex Life and Postpartum Duration
1:39:40 Mental Health Issues and Motorcycle Injuries
1:43:07 Seeking Understanding: The Need to Unravel Family History
1:48:03 Desperate for a Salvaged Family
1:51:29 Relationship Sinking: Hurtful Words and Uncertainty
1:55:31 Indulging Temper: Price to Pay for Hurtful Words
2:00:35 The Empty Threat: Parenting and Apologies
2:04:03 Removing Excuses and Changing Behavior: Stop Being a Jerk
2:07:43 Taking responsibility and measuring oneself by integrity
2:12:43 Taking Responsibility for One's Actions
2:14:13 Managing Anger: Keeping Control and Avoiding Harm

Long Summary
In this part of the conversation, I reflect on my past relationships and acknowledge a pattern of being attracted to "crazy" girls. I admit that I often don't realize the extent of my partners' craziness until around six months into the relationship. Stefan challenges me to be honest and genuine in our conversation, expressing frustration that my son has been mistreated by one of these partners. Stefan emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing the pattern in order to break free from it.

I then reflect on my past shoplifting phase and how it was a result of not caring about society or personal values. However, I had a realization that I needed to change my mindset and align my actions with my values. I emphasize the importance of taking responsibility for my own actions, regardless of how others behave. I highlight the mistake of expecting others to change before making positive changes myself. True integrity, I explain, means doing the right thing regardless of others' actions. I stress the significance of apologizing sincerely and being accountable for our behavior, even if the other person may not respond positively. Building relationships based on integrity is more valuable than seeking validation, and we need to measure ourselves by what is right rather than what is convenient or dependent on others.

Moving forward, we discuss my difficult childhood and teenage years. Stefan sympathizes with the hardships I've endured but emphasizes that I can't let those experiences define the rest of my life. He encourages me to have standards and set expectations for myself that are independent of my upbringing.

We then shift the conversation towards my stepfather, whom I seem to have some illusions about. Stefan points out that despite any positive qualities he may have shown me as a teenager, he married a drug addict who was abusive and neglectful towards her children. Stefan urges me to aim higher and not settle for dysfunction, highlighting the importance of being the kind of person that my kids can look up to.

Stefan stresses the importance of maturity and apologizing sincerely to someone I've hurt, even if they're angry or upset with me. He emphasizes that it's not about telling them what to do but showing genuine remorse and understanding. This level of maturity will inspire my kids and help me repair the damage I've done.

Even if reconciling with my girlfriend seems challenging, Stefan encourages me to do the right thing regardless. He emphasizes that integrity isn't conditional on others doing the right thing, it's about staying true to my principles and doing what's right, regardless of the response from others. Stefan encourages me to be a leader by taking ownership, apologizing, and doing the right thing.

We then discuss anger management and its potential benefits in my therapy journey. Stefan uses the analogy of a dog on a leash, explaining that taking off the leash would lead to an attack. He advises me not to give in to anger and potentially cause harm. I express my agreement and mention my commitment to therapy. Stefan expresses admiration for my bravery and commitment, and the call ends with me expressing gratitude and saying goodbye.

Tags
attraction, crazy partners, recognizing, addressing, responsibility, integrity, higher standards, apologize sincerely, maturity, difficult childhood, not defining, anger management, therapy journey