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Hello Stefan,
I have been a follower of your work since 2015, I have listened to hundreds of hours of your call in shows and have found them extremely helpful.
The reason I am writing to you is because I believe your wisdom will be invaluable in overcoming the horrors of my childhood. And maybe a discussion on this issue between us will be helpful to others as well. I am 21 years old, just setting out into the world, but I am petrified that I will end up like my father.
I have an ACE score of 5. I was beaten, yelled at, neglected and my father was a drinker and sociopathic welfare leech. My mother was also manipulative and abusive. I have defooed for several months now and I am doing better, but I am still haunted by the events of my childhood and my inner parents still torment me daily. I self medicate with marijuana daily, despite knowing the repercussions. My older brother was the favourite (and he admitted it) and he supports my parents financially despite their abuse. I have always been the black sheep of the family and I have always been looking forward to the day I can get out. I got out in 2018 but I still haven't escaped entirely. I am still extremely self critical and struggle with bouts of severe depression. I have a brief history of self-harming and have had suicidal ideation.
Despite moving away, going to university and getting good grades and becoming financially self sufficient with a stable income, I still believe I won't amount to much. My adverse childhood experiences have lowered my IQ and left me with a bevy of bad habits and thoughts.
I tried confronting my mother on what she did but I got the usual excuses and gaslighting. "You were a bad kid." "I did what I could." "I fed you." Etc.
I e-mailed you to be on your call in shows back in 2017, and you offered to have me on but I didn't go through with it out of fear and youthful stupidity. I was living with my parents at the time and scared of them. While I do regret wasting your time, I am glad I could delay talking to you to a point in my life where I have some agency.
Worst of all, because I was not socialized properly during my childhood I can't form real bonds with people, and in every social situation I am the outcast. In every group of friends I am always the odd one out and end up drifting away, preferring to stay in and smoke weed and be alone. I have never been in a real relationship and I have been very promiscuous in past. I am at a crossroads in my life where I am unsure if I will be able to have kids and provide for them and keep a partner around for the rest of my life.
I am tormented by my thoughts daily. I live a life of quiet desperation, one I know will lead to the same outcome as my father. I hope I can escape the cycle before it is too late.
Sorry if my email has been a bit disorganized but my thoughts on the topic are also disorganized.
In short, how do I overcome the horror of my childhood and realize the potential I know I have? How can I be free of the thoughts and feelings that constantly torment me? How can I fix my heightened fight or flight response and how do I become able to normally socialize with others?
Thank you
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Wednesday Night Live Twitter/X Space 27 August 2025
This Space explores philosophical questions about human nature, government, and societal structures. Stefan invites callers to engage in discussions about the implications of selfishness in humanity, examining whether such traits are innate or influenced by societal conditions. The conversation contrasts the stagnation of government control with the potential dynamism of a stateless society, addressing how moral actions are shaped by societal incentives. Callers raise questions around survival instincts and moral attribution, leading to a deeper inquiry into individual autonomy versus government influence. Stefan invokes Malthusianism to illustrate historical responses to resource scarcity, ultimately advocating for a future grounded in ethical principles, individual liberty, and voluntary societal interactions. The episode combines social critique with hopeful speculation about creating a more decentralized and prosperous society.
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In this episode, I engage with a caller struggling to find direction after graduating in sociology and anthropology, focusing on criminal justice. He shares his frustrations with a challenging job market and feelings of inadequacy following a promising lead that fell through. We explore how his rigid upbringing has impacted his confidence and relationship with authority. Discussing solutions, I emphasize adopting a proactive mindset and embracing skills in emerging technologies like AI. We conclude with practical steps for self-education and skill development to help him reclaim his career path.
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To understand the modern world:
Your wife gets interested in a wealthy new man.
You keep telling her he’s a bad guy.
She divorces you to go live with him overseas.
He starts bringing his dangerous friends over.
She gets assaulted.
She claims she still LOVES HIM!
She screams at you that you are not a “real man” because you don’t risk life and limb to fly out and protect her.
Ladies, we warned you about marrying the government.
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