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Hello Stefan,
I have been a follower of your work since 2015, I have listened to hundreds of hours of your call in shows and have found them extremely helpful.
The reason I am writing to you is because I believe your wisdom will be invaluable in overcoming the horrors of my childhood. And maybe a discussion on this issue between us will be helpful to others as well. I am 21 years old, just setting out into the world, but I am petrified that I will end up like my father.
I have an ACE score of 5. I was beaten, yelled at, neglected and my father was a drinker and sociopathic welfare leech. My mother was also manipulative and abusive. I have defooed for several months now and I am doing better, but I am still haunted by the events of my childhood and my inner parents still torment me daily. I self medicate with marijuana daily, despite knowing the repercussions. My older brother was the favourite (and he admitted it) and he supports my parents financially despite their abuse. I have always been the black sheep of the family and I have always been looking forward to the day I can get out. I got out in 2018 but I still haven't escaped entirely. I am still extremely self critical and struggle with bouts of severe depression. I have a brief history of self-harming and have had suicidal ideation.
Despite moving away, going to university and getting good grades and becoming financially self sufficient with a stable income, I still believe I won't amount to much. My adverse childhood experiences have lowered my IQ and left me with a bevy of bad habits and thoughts.
I tried confronting my mother on what she did but I got the usual excuses and gaslighting. "You were a bad kid." "I did what I could." "I fed you." Etc.
I e-mailed you to be on your call in shows back in 2017, and you offered to have me on but I didn't go through with it out of fear and youthful stupidity. I was living with my parents at the time and scared of them. While I do regret wasting your time, I am glad I could delay talking to you to a point in my life where I have some agency.
Worst of all, because I was not socialized properly during my childhood I can't form real bonds with people, and in every social situation I am the outcast. In every group of friends I am always the odd one out and end up drifting away, preferring to stay in and smoke weed and be alone. I have never been in a real relationship and I have been very promiscuous in past. I am at a crossroads in my life where I am unsure if I will be able to have kids and provide for them and keep a partner around for the rest of my life.
I am tormented by my thoughts daily. I live a life of quiet desperation, one I know will lead to the same outcome as my father. I hope I can escape the cycle before it is too late.
Sorry if my email has been a bit disorganized but my thoughts on the topic are also disorganized.
In short, how do I overcome the horror of my childhood and realize the potential I know I have? How can I be free of the thoughts and feelings that constantly torment me? How can I fix my heightened fight or flight response and how do I become able to normally socialize with others?
Thank you
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The episode features a candid conversation with a caller who shares his long-standing struggles with suicidal thoughts, depression, and compulsive behaviors. Initially attempting to rationalize his issues through science, he recounts a recent emotional release after prayer, leading to uncertainty about faith and reason. Host Stefan guides the caller in exploring the roots of his distress, tracing feelings of dread from childhood related to a volatile relationship with his mother and the ineffective protection from his father. As they delve into the caller's family dynamics, they uncover how unresolved trauma has influenced his adult relationships and tendency to hide his struggles. The discussion emphasizes the importance of honesty and vulnerability in personal connections and the necessity of seeking therapy to address his inherited pain. By the end, the caller reflects on insights gained and the need to commit to his mental health, showcasing a journey toward self-awareness and emotional ...
Wednesday Night Live 25 June 2025
In this episode, I examine the complexities of forgiveness, discussing whether it must be earned and the moral implications of accountability. I explore the tension between those seeking resolution without confrontation and those calling for responsibility, while also addressing how corporate decisions often ignore customer feedback due to ideological agendas.
I emphasize personal responsibility, the importance of acknowledging wrongs for growth, and the impact of family dynamics on self-worth. Vulnerability’s role in strengthening relationships is highlighted, along with the challenges of aligning our values with our aspirations.
The episode concludes with insights into how past relationship experiences shape current dating challenges, urging reflection on what we seek in partners and how past traumas influence our pursuits. This conversation invites self-reflection and integrity in our interactions.
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FASCINATING social experiment time!
Go to the women you know.
Ask them to answer this question without sarcasm or snark:
“What are the top five things men want in romantic relationships?”
Post their responses below!
Brothers and sisters in thought, let's do some philosophy tonight! Bring your thoughts, questions, concerns, issues, feedback, critique, and we shall plumb the depths!
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