Stefan,

I want to be a good husband and father to my coming daughter, but I know that I am at risk of becoming an abusive tyrant, if I am not already.

I love my wife of two years, but I do not love women, I might hate them. I think that women are the cause of most of our societies issues and that female influence has corrupted the West in immeasurable ways. I value the masculine ideal, I place personal emphasis on strength, bravery, resourcefulness, and work ethic. I see these as masculine traits. I am worried that the highest and final ideal purpose of women is effectively to raise sons, so having a daughter is a “wasted turn.” I know that objectively this is awful, but I have become so jaded, I am close to believing this.

We decided to find our child’s gender through an early blood screening. Despite some casual comments about how I was hoping for a boy, I was not prepared for the emotional toil that the revelation of having a girl would have on me. I feel as though I was supposed to have an eldest son, and now the anxiety that I could potentially have multiple girls without a son is occupying my mind all day and keeping me up at night. It feels as though I suddenly have realized that my life is not in my control.

My wife is extremely feminine, and objectively a wonderful wife and person. She is a nurse, and is extremely intelligent and thoughtful. She is adored by nearly everyone who meets her. She does so much for me and is beyond joyous to be pregnant with our child. Despite all this, when I get mad for whatever reason (maybe because she does or says something I disagree with) I can be extremely cruel to her for seemingly no reason other than to exert power and control over her and her emotional state. When she gets sad I get mad, and can spiral into saying even more hurtful things. I hate these moments and always feel so guilty after the fact, promising that it won’t happen again. She told me that I am ruining this moment that she has waited for her whole life for because of how I am acting regarding having a daughter.

To the outsider I am a successful and well adjusted person. I have a successful career, am well liked and respected by my community. I am driven to excel at everything in my life. However, I am worried that I am failing at the most important things: my relationship with my wife and my coming daughter. I do not want to be the way that I am, and I am writing to you out of desperation and frustration with myself and my behavior. I want my love for my wife and child to not come from a place of self-gain or desire, but from a genuine affection for who they are as people. At the same time, I do not want to change my perspective on women “when I have a daughter” because I think that is cope. Right now, I do genuinely believe that every father would exclusively want a son (especially as the eldest) if they understood the realities of gender and the increasing importance of strong men in the world.

Thank you,

[name]