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We've been fighting so badly that our four children are begging us to divorce!
We met in high school in 2000. I was 18, she was 16; I was a senior, she was a junior. We'd known each other for about a month then started dating and got married five years later and then had our first kid in 2008. We have four children.
I'm in the military, traveled all over the world. We've gone pretty much everywhere together. A couple deployments, spent some time overseas. We're now back stateside.
It's been a somewhat tumultuous relationship. I think there have been issues with trust over the years on my part. You know, we both feel as though we have changed to try to accommodate the other person, but over the last, say, since the start of the new year, fights have gotten just incredibly worse.
We went to counseling years ago and that helped somewhat. Your conversation helped somewhat. That was about two years ago.
We had kind of peeled the onion back and determined that there were some childhood trauma issues with her side of the family, with mother and father. We talked somewhat about my side of the family, but identifying some of those issues from the past helped somewhat. We saw a marriage reconciler online in around the August time frame and that seemed to help.
So we're both very Christian. I'm trying to be a pastor, and that's a five-year seminary train up, and I'm about a year and a half into it. I'm also preaching about once to twice a month at our church and filling in various roles there. My wife helps out with the Sunday school. The kids are all involved.
I would say, you know, from the outside, it's the ideal life. You know, we have everything that we can do. could possibly want to need and the tumultuousness between the two of us, it's sad. We saw this marriage reconciler back in August time frame, had a few meetings. He helped us to patch things up from a biblical perspective and to kind of forgive and agree to kind of move on. And that helped.
And then about a month ago, we got into a big argument. I said we had a friend of ours who was over. I had had a couple of drinks and I was saying things--and I'm giving the paraphrased version--but I said a couple of things that upset my wife. They were not kind.
Then we went inside, got into it a little bit more and I thought she was saying something to the effect that she was going to leave again, which I had told her I didn't like. The argument had been over a procedure to have her laser eye surgery done. So then I got mad at her and said, "Oh, well, you're just gonna do this and to ruin the ruin the family?" and of course that's a that's a terrible thing to say. Then it just got worse from there. It's been weeks and weeks of non-stop bitterness, sadness, anger, back and forth. Yelling. I do not want to bias my side to say like, I'm the saint here. So if you want to drill down and get some details on things, I can do that. But I'm just kind of giving the wave tops.
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In this episode, I tackle audience questions, starting with George St. Peterson's role in the Russia-Ukraine war and the importance of diverse opinions. I discuss the potential resurgence of Christianity in the West, emphasizing the need to apply rationality to moral discussions.
I explore the influence of childhood experiences on ethics and offer insights on co-parenting with an irresponsible partner, stressing the social context of relationship choices. Additionally, I analyze how welfare programs impact family dynamics and accountability and confront the complexities of free speech in incendiary contexts.
Finally, I reflect on originality in thought-sharing and encourage critical engagement with ideas amid widespread misinformation, expressing gratitude for the audience's support in navigating these discussions together.
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"Hi Stef! My name is [x] and I've been listening to your show for a couple years now, my husband introduced it to me shortly after we got married. I've really enjoyed learning about philosophy and self-knowledge and have been applying it to my marriage and other relationship queries. I was hoping to talk to you about some struggles I've had maintaining relationships (friendships) throughout my life. I've never had a local friendship last more than a few years. I'm about to continue my self-knowledge work by going to a Christian group therapy (Freedom session) and I was told I would need a sponsor (a friend or relation) to closely connect with for these group sessions. It occurred to me that I don't have any close friends and no one I could ask (besides my husband). To me that is alarming. I feel as though I should have at least one long term close friendship. My husband and I talk about this often - how I often have difficulties maintaining friendships. I've ...
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