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Hello Stefan,
This is time-sensitive, as I likely will make a decision within a week. Here is some background:
I've been seeing a girl long distance for several months. I am physically fit, have a solid income, and work full time after completing my undergrad. We briefly met on a dating app in college and rekindled the relationship over a year later. Our relationship is long distance, so we call regularly, and I visit each month as my work schedule allows for decent time off.
We share many values and goals, and both come from similar backgrounds—our families are together, and our parents haven't divorced. We don't have political conflicts, and she agrees with me on most values. Both of us intend to have kids, and I see being a father and husband as one of the grandest honors a man can ever have.
The shared values and character traits I perceived in her made me think I had a real catch on my hands.
She recently invited me to meet her family, where I had an excellent time. They all live near each other, so I had a real trial by fire in an extended family reunion. Nonetheless, we all enjoyed each other's company, and her father particularly seemed to enjoy my company.
There is another upside to this situation: Although I am an atheist and she is a Christian, she saw past this. After the first two months, I told her about my atheism. Although unexpected, she was understanding and wanted to continue seeing me. This has been a dealbreaker for people in my past, so her acceptance was significant to me.
Now, here's where I am conflicted. When we met, she told me she was waiting for marriage. I was happy to hear this as I have been as well. It has been a serious struggle for me, but I knew I wouldn't endanger my future marriage over something temporary.
However, after last week's family meetup, she revealed that she is only NOW waiting for marriage. As recently as the beginning of this year, she had not abstained. She has a body count of 3, and in her last three relationships, she has only partially abstained, given her Protestant view of what is and isn't sex. This revelation has left me very conflicted.
I recognize the tentative nature of my situation and wonder if I might not find someone who shares all my values, especially given our age. I wonder if I am asking for too much, particularly from someone who understands my lack of religiosity.
Part of me says I'm young and have time to try again—this is what the gambler in me says and what most men I trust in my life suggest. The other part of me, which cares for her very much, doesn't want to end things. Some of the women in my life have expressed that I should forgive and forget.
Well, Stefan, do let me know what you think. Your advice is truly appreciated.
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WEDNESDAY NIGHT LIVE 19 February 2025
In this episode, we delve into the complexities of personal relationships and societal issues, starting with the lawsuit by the US Conference of Catholic Bishops against former President Trump regarding immigrant resettlement funding. We analyze familial dynamics and the differing emotional responses elicited by sons and daughters, while also critiquing media consumption habits related to police accountability.
The conversation shifts to digital entrepreneurship, highlighting the need for a consumer-focused mindset and the emotional investment of creators. We explore the connections between love, trauma, and moral choices, ultimately emphasizing the importance of personal accountability and virtue. This episode encourages listeners to reflect on their journeys and strive for healthier relationships rooted in shared insights and community support.
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...
"When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, 'Woman, behold your son!' Then He said to the disciple, 'Behold your mother!' And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home."
John 19:26-27
New King James Version
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