"I am a 26 year old stay at home mother struggling with anger towards my parents. The other major issue is that I am morbidly obese. I am writing to you because I have never heard anyone else explain so well why I feel such anger towards them.

"From the outside I appeared to be relatively privileged (and I was never sexually abused and aside from a very small amount of spanking before I even remember never physically abused either) however I never had the emotional support that I craved. I had a period for a few years where I couldn’t think of a single day where I hadn’t cried because of my mum.

"I would constantly be walking on eggshells and she was extremely passive aggressive, praising me in one sentence and then in the next day something that she knew was hurtful. But she would say it in a way that she could gaslight me and tell me that she didn’t mean it. She had depression and I grew up feeling like an emotional punching bag. Every car trip, every time I was out in the living areas and especially every time I was alone with her I was at risk of experiencing this passive aggression which would tear me to pieces.

"In addition to this, fairly regularly in my teen years I would be sat down with them at the kitchen table for a couple of hours and told every single one of my flaws until I was left sobbing (they would continue regardless). I would dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands because the physical pain was easier to deal with than the emotional pain. I even cut myself a few times (although these were fairly shallow and I have no scars). Because they didn’t yell at me at that time they would again gaslight me and tell me that they were trying to ‘help’ me.

"They have become a lot nicer to me since I had my child and I know this is just because I hold all the power in the relationship. In a way this has made my anger worse because I know they were just misusing their power over me. I am really struggling because I don’t know whether I should be exposing my child to them. When they’re with him they’re generally good with him and he likes them a lot however I worry about the subtle ways they speak and what he is going to pick up on as he gets older. And as you said in the call in show I was just listening to (the kava one) you can’t hide anything from your kids. And while I can talk nicely to them and even sometimes have a good time, the slightest thing can trigger deep seated rage. And even when I think I have a good time I am often left ruminating over something they said and repeatedly talking it over with my husband. And I have to admit I am terrified of the effect that cutting or severely reducing contact will have on me in the wider world. However, ever since I was a teen I felt like if I didn’t have them in my life that I would finally feel free. I hesitated for years to even write to you about this as its not nearly as severe as many of the other callers, so I don’t even know if 'deFOO' is appropriate in this case.

"As for my weight I definitely eat to regulate my emotions and my weight has been steadily rising for a number of years now. I’ve tried a bunch of different things but recently I feel like there is something wrong on a more fundamental level that I can’t yet break through."